In today’s world, we are so obsessed by how we are perceived by others. Our personas reflect this. In fact, we spend such a disproportionate amount of our lives trying to imitate our role-models that we don’t even know ourselves. As they say, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” Or is it?
In my opinion, before we can get serious about self-awareness, we need to have self-acceptance. And therein lies the problem. We are so deeply insecure of being ourselves. We don’t think that we are attractive enough, smart enough, or worthy enough — and so we spend our lives trying to prove to others what we’ve never learned to believe about ourselves.
When you stop and think about it, we are the only species on the planet that aspires to be like someone else. But a rabbit doesn’t try to be like a lion. Nor does a horse try to be like a bird. They are authentically themselves in their purest and most original forms – just as nature intended them to be.
Authenticity has become a huge theme in popular culture today. It gets celebrated in the performance industry when an actor of the likes of Viola Davis, Al Pacino, or Leonardo DiCaprio gives an Emmy-winning performance. These accolades are certainly well-deserved. But it is important to recognize that it is not all glitz and glamor.
Authenticity requires courage. Why? Because it’s polarizing. You will not always be nice. You will not always be liked. You may even be hated. For this reason, the connections between authenticity and the courtroom are as undeniable as the link between truth and justice themselves. At some point in your career, even if you have not done so already, you may find yourself representing a client who has committed a heinous act or standing up for a cause that is wildly unpopular in the court of public opinion. Such circumstances are a far cry from the solitude of taking a Sunday afternoon stroll through the park with your dog. Indeed, zealous advocacy by its very nature is inherently confrontational.
The sacred oath that we, as lawyers have to our clients is monumental. It requires deep-seated courage, along with a profound and enduring inner strength that is firmly rooted within the lawyer’s character. It suggests a resilience that isn’t temporary but is an ingrained part of who we are. Profound as it may be, it goes beyond that of an ordinary person.
A great metaphor is a mango. Who could resist that tropical fruit with a thin, waxy skin and sweet, aromatic, yellow-orange flesh? Many. In fact, billions. At the same time, it is utterly attractive to the right set of people. The mango has learned to accept this reality instead of spending its entire life trying to win the approval of everyone else on this planet who dislikes it, which is itself a losing battle.
Evolution has made it impervious to universal approval, concerned only with thriving in its own environment and appealing to those creatures that help it grow and spread. It doesn’t apologize for its flavor or change its essence to suit every palate—it ripens, it offers, and it endures.
A powerful source of inspiration for embracing authenticity comes from analyzing it from the opposite end of the spectrum – from the perspective of wanting to play it safe and blending in versus daring to stand out and be seen for who you truly are. One path offers comfort but stagnation; the other, risk but liberation. In this way, they are like strange bedfellows.
The expression, “A jack of all trades and a master of none” immediately comes to mind. Let’s face it. If you spend your entire life trying to win the approval of everyone, you may never win the approval of anyone. To me, I would rather have a band of critics than be a cardboard cutout of myself — praised for perfection but hollow of truth, a veritable “milk toast” version of who I really am.
Many insist that they are authentic in their own lives. And I have no reason to doubt it. However, there is a difference between authenticity in everyday life and authenticity in the performance space, especially public speaking. The latter requires an even deeper level of authenticity that I like to refer to as, “radical authenticity.”
Just like actors need to be radically authentic on stage or on camera to embody the character they are playing, lawyers must be equally authentic in the courtroom to embody credibility — grounded in truth, conviction, and a genuine connection to the story they are telling. Then and only then will they create the kind of connection with the jury that transcends logic and touches something deeper — a sense of trust, empathy, and shared humanity that no amount of rehearsed persuasion can replicate.
As an actor, I can say unequivocally that it takes a lot of training to be authentic on stage. However, there is a misconception as to the purpose of that training. Actors train not to become perfect. After all, there is no such thing as perfection. It is nothing more than an illusion. Instead, actor training focuses on stripping away the obstacles and self-imposed barriers that convince actors they are not already perfect the way they are. This allows their true and imperfect selves to shine through with the radiance of 10,000 wax candles. For this reason, actor training can serve as a powerful and transformative tool for trial lawyers.
Because failure is inherent in performance, the actor slowly develops the muscle of failing without beating themselves up for it. Instead of caring so much, they care just enough. Because everyone is at a different stage in their journeys, every actor starts from where they are when they walk through the door. With each small step, they learn to trust themselves, to love themselves, and to fully invest in themselves.
As Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet and theologian once said, “Out beyond our ideas of right and wrong, there lies a field. I’ll meet you there.” Meeting in that “field beyond right and wrong” reminds us that true connection—whether with others, with a jury, or with ourselves—requires moving past judgment and embracing openness.
In law, as in life, it is only when we step into that space of curiosity, empathy, and authenticity that we can communicate with real power and integrity, leaving behind the constraints of fear and pretense. For more on this and other topics that straddle the courtroom and the stage, check out my ebooks.
